Gleefully I mutilate you for love

Good morning gentle princesses and prince pupae! I would like to share with you a poem that I wrote during my rather long and thin absence. This poem is dedicated to my followers and sycophants that titter in the moonlight, and to the long-term lover which is it's subject.

GLEEFULLY I PRANCE

DANCING WITH THE CHAINSAW OF LOVE

AROUND YOUR TIGHTLY WRAPPED BODY I DRAW LINES OF BLOODY LOVE WITH THE TEETH OF MY TURGID MACHINE

LOVE IS A MANY FLAVORED SALTY COPPER-TASTING THROAT CLOTTING APHRODISIAC

I QUIVER LIKE YOUR SHUDDERING OBESE FLESH. MY CHAINTEETH WAIL IN ECSTACY.

PEELING THE UGLYNESS FROM YOUR GLISTENING SKULL MAKES ME GRATEFUL I AM YOUR NEPHEW!

<3 UNCLE BIDO!

Folorn Hope

"In several other universes I encountered many spleens quite unlike the ones you see in every day London. I didn't think there could be more than one opportunity for outrageous nakedness during the opera. I was wrong.

O how wrong I was to lust after the bandmaster in his bright green g-string, contorting to the many-toned smells of africa's enduring wildlife, and their rampant overtones of enormous sexual appetite. I have been laid low by the lowing of a water buffalo. How can I ever return to theta-alpha-prime without that scented, viscous, pale, fluid dripping from my enormous lobes.

I will see the horns of a peanut drowned before my left eye, while sniffing at the anus of another tomato before this journal is done..."

[Last entry in the journal of master explorer Clementine Aubergine III]

Specimen Speciman Spesemen Spare Semen?

Damnit, I just realised that SPECIMAN is not correct. I had been using SPECIMAN instead of SPECIMEN

It's SPECIMEN! SPECIMENS is the plural of SPECIMEN. SPECIMEN is not the plural of SPECIMAN... go figure. I'm a moron.

Definition: Spec"i*men, n. [L., fr. specere to look, to behold. See {Spy}.] A part, or small portion, of anything, or one of a number of things, intended to exhibit the kind and quality of the whole, or of what is not exhibited; a sample; as, a specimen of a man's handwriting; a specimen of painting; aspecimen of one's art. Syn: Sample; model; pattern.

Hmm... SPESEMEN?

The specimen

From now on it will be referred to as "The Specimen"

Yoghurt

Today I did something out of the ordinary, but to be honest I really enjoyed it.
I had a shower, and got all clean and fresh smelling.
Then I went to the fridge, opened a 1kg container of yoghurt, poured it into a large bowl and heated it for 2 mins on high in the microwave.
I then stood out on the back lawn - and smothered it all over my body whilst humming the song "I love myself I want you to love me - I touch myself - bla bla bla"

It felt really good - I reccomed you try it some time - if you are feeling down.